Autistic vs. person living with Autism

"My child is autistic" is something you will never hear come out of my mouth. Like many other adjectives to describe people, they tend to reduce a person to a limiting characteristic.
If you have diabetes or bipolar disorder, would you rather be introduced as "My cousin Sofia who is schizophrenic", "my brother Pete who is diabetic" or as "my cousin Sofia with whom I have a good relationship" or "my brother Pete who is so nice"?
Society loves to label people:you are this or that. It creates for others a false sense of control over the unknown. What should you expect when you meet someone? If you have basic information, then you feel you have more control.
"Austistic" is an adjective that describes a permanent and inherent characteristic of a person. Is Andrew "a sweet, funny, loving little boy with Autism" or is he "autistic"? Autism does not qualify and describe who Andrew is, just like diabetes, high blood pressure or bipolar disorder does. Yes, Andrew "has" Autism, but Autism does not define who he is. If someone refers as someone else as "Autistic", please tell them to refer to this person as someone living with Autism.

Hope

When your child has Autism, your biggest strength is HOPE.

At first it is...
HOPE that it is not true
HOPE that they are wrong
HOPE that you will wake up from this bad dream
HOPE that it only happens in movies or novels

Then it is...
HOPE that your child will speak
HOPE that your child will laugh
HOPE that your child will say "I LOVE YOU"
HOPE that your child will wave "bye bye"

Then it is...
HOPE that your child will answer a basic question
HOPE that your child will stop having a tantrum everywhere he goes
HOPE that your child will be able to put his shoes on
HOPE that your child will be able to understand what you say
HOPE that your child will be able to understand something funny

Then it is...
HOPE that your child will be able to do a basic puzzle
HOPE that your child will be able to sit on a chair for more than 2 minutes
HOPE that your child will be able to follow a teacher's basic instruction
HOPE that your child will be able to graduate from school

Then it is...
HOPE that your child will have some friends
HOPE that your child will fall in love one day
HOPE that your child will get married one day
HOPE that your child will have children one day
HOPE that your child will live on his own one day


Will my son be able to do all that?
Maybe or maybe not
All I know for sure
Is that I love him
no matter what

teaching Andrew to be more sociable

It is difficult seeing my little boy not playing with others when we go to the park. His brother is a social butterfly, playing with everyone, telling his life to everyone and making friends instantaneously. In the meanwhile, Andrew will play with sand by himself, he will go up and down the slide by himself and will not be in the least interested by the other children who are laughing and playing close to him. It is as if his brother had inherited 120% of my social skills and Andrew had inherited 5%. Sometimes, another child gets close to Andrew and starts playing with him. If Andrew is not too tired, he may let the child interact with him for a while. If Andrew is tired, he will grab his toy, run away and tell him to leave him alone.
Is being sociable overrated? I think we all have different needs of sociability, but at a minimum, we need some so that we can interact with others, have a few friends and be happy. Being at preschool with typical peers is SO important for Andrew, I cannot stress that enough. Having his therapist come along is SO important for Andrew! He needs to be encouraged to socialize, if not, he simply will not. This skills needs to become natural.

Andrew had difficulty at the museum

This morning, with Andrew and his brother we went to the museum of natural science. There was a reptile exhibit. I did not expect there would be so many people. Andrew had difficulty with the crowd. He ran away from me a few times, did not respond to his name, tantrum a few times and simply was not interested in doing anything. We left after a short time. Next time, I will know not to bring him in such a crowded place. Now he is taking a nature walk, a lot better for him.

Why it is so important for Andrew to get his therapy

ABA therapy has worked so well for Andrew. In June of 2009, Andrew knew about 6 words. He now speaks in sentences of 3 and 4 words and sometimes in full sentences and can understand so much more when you speak to him.
Yet, so much work remains to be done.
In a classroom, he needs to be able to:
-follow the teacher's instructions.
-be able to engage socially with his peers, speak to them, show them things, share his toys, invite them to play with him, ask them questions
-be able to transition from one activity to another without tantruming or without having to physically be carried to another place in the classroom.

These are things that for the most part, a typical child can do fairly easily. For certain children with Autism, and for Andrew, these are things he cannot do yet.

His ABA therapy teaches him the verbal and social skills to engage with others. He also currently attends a preschool with typical children where one of the therapist comes with him. She teaches him how to listen and helps him socialize with others.

Andrew needs one more year before he goes to Kindergarden. With this therapy, he will have significantly less difficulty in a public school classroom. The classroom is where he will spend 80% of his life in the next 13 years. It is essential that he gets all the help he can get NOW while he is still young and his brain is maleable like play doh.

I am so hopeful for the future, yet so scared that he is not able to get the help he needs.

After the diagnosis...

After Andrew was diagnosed, I could not go to any public places without crying. I would go to my favorite stores, with or without Andrew, and I would see other mothers with little ones who would do all that Andrew could not do: pointing with the index, saying "mama", responding to their name, laughing and saying a few words.
The first three months after the diagnosis, I would just start crying in stores. I cried all over town: in line to get to the cash register, in aisles, in coffee shops... I could not control my tears, they were just flowing...
Two places I avoided like the plague were the wonderful children museum where I had a membership and public parks. I went once with Andrew and started seeing everything Andrew was NOT doing and it was breaking my heart. The same with the parks: Andrew at the time did not know how to go up stairs and go down a slide, he would just find a pole and start to pace around it. I wondered if I could EVER go back to these places and if my tears would EVER stop from flowing in public places. My heart was simply broken.

funny moments

Andrew memorizes movie lines quite well and uses them here and here randomly. He loves to watch Ratatouille, the movie with the French rat who cooks very well. In one scene, the father rat tells his son "shut up and eat your garbage". What a great line!
One day, we go to a very fancy food store to buy some of Andrew's special diet. Andrew was wearing a cute hat, so naturally a man went towards him and told him "hello little man! what's your name?" to which Andrew replied "Shut up and eat your garbage". The man's face was classic: "what kind of child is that? And what kind of mother teaches her son such profanity?"